Sometimes life likes to chuck you a curve ball.
Now, I thought my mojo was back, but a series of things have just shattered any confidence I regained, and left me feeling stuck, broken and confused again.
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Experience?
So. Right, Okay. Ehem. Excuse me. Right. Hmm. Okay, Okay.
Right, so I have been sat here for an hour now. This is getting boring.
I know. I will google my own name.... Nothing. I don't exist. Brilliant.
Ahh... I will google BBC News. Again. Check my nails, go to the toilet, have another Dr Pepper, stare into space, the list of opportunities for time wasting is endless!
The problem is though... I'm on work experience. I'm supposed to, well, work. But when your ignored, that's a little hard to do!
Today wasn't so bad... I got off my arse after the realisation that my only hope was to get up and sort it myself, find a story, find something to do. And boy did I prove them wrong... I got the lead story for one of the pages. Huraah!!!
The problem, the weeny little scandal that does come to mind however is this... if I am such a pain in the arse, and you have nothing for me to do, why why whyyyyy would you agree to have work experience people come in and snoop around and intrude? Yes, training me up for a week is time consuming, and you will get no return from it, but if you aren't going to make my giving away of a weeks worth of free labour worth it, then I would much rather you didn't bother. It makes me angry.
It actually makes me so mad. And frustrated. I have to do work experience to get any where in my career, but it is both time consuming and mind numbingly boring when it is deadline day and nobody wants to help me. I can't pluck a story from thin air believe it or not, I am not a bloody miracle worker! If I could do that, I wouldn't be sat here twiddling my thumbs and thinking of what I'd do if I a, won the lottery and b, got the opportunity to kiss David Beckham (that fantasy is a little too rude so lets keep shhhtum on that one, I would never think of such things at work!!)
So, in future Mr Bigshot employer, I would like a structured day and something helpful/useful to do. (Not that the opportunity isn't appreciated may I add!!)
Right, so I have been sat here for an hour now. This is getting boring.
I know. I will google my own name.... Nothing. I don't exist. Brilliant.
Ahh... I will google BBC News. Again. Check my nails, go to the toilet, have another Dr Pepper, stare into space, the list of opportunities for time wasting is endless!
The problem is though... I'm on work experience. I'm supposed to, well, work. But when your ignored, that's a little hard to do!
Today wasn't so bad... I got off my arse after the realisation that my only hope was to get up and sort it myself, find a story, find something to do. And boy did I prove them wrong... I got the lead story for one of the pages. Huraah!!!
The problem, the weeny little scandal that does come to mind however is this... if I am such a pain in the arse, and you have nothing for me to do, why why whyyyyy would you agree to have work experience people come in and snoop around and intrude? Yes, training me up for a week is time consuming, and you will get no return from it, but if you aren't going to make my giving away of a weeks worth of free labour worth it, then I would much rather you didn't bother. It makes me angry.
It actually makes me so mad. And frustrated. I have to do work experience to get any where in my career, but it is both time consuming and mind numbingly boring when it is deadline day and nobody wants to help me. I can't pluck a story from thin air believe it or not, I am not a bloody miracle worker! If I could do that, I wouldn't be sat here twiddling my thumbs and thinking of what I'd do if I a, won the lottery and b, got the opportunity to kiss David Beckham (that fantasy is a little too rude so lets keep shhhtum on that one, I would never think of such things at work!!)
So, in future Mr Bigshot employer, I would like a structured day and something helpful/useful to do. (Not that the opportunity isn't appreciated may I add!!)
Monday, 4 April 2011
War Paint Confession
Right, you MUST promise not to laugh.
I know you will, but for the sake of my sanity, pretend this isn't funny please.
Last night, I sat down to watch one of my favourite TV shows - The Only Way Is Essex. I hate it, but love it. I will never understand why fake boobs, tans, nails, eyelashes, heels during the day, skin tight dresses and more war paint than you can shake a grotty old stick at are considered normal or even attractive! But yet, I am still obsessed with the show.
Last night, Mark Wright got his top of (there is in fact, a God up there, looking down on me and smiling after completing my life with that little snippet) and I'm not being over observational, but by jove, was he orange. In Essex, it seems, male fake tan is allowed. Male fake tan is HOT - in this case.
I looked down at my own arm, pasty and white, and wondered - would life be better tangoed?
All I can say is, never take inspiration from that show. I, in my hasty state of pale whiteness, decided that it would be a smooth ass move to fake tan, twice. In one night.
This my friends, was one very very bad idea. I awoke this morning to the fumes of fake tan, my skin glittered in the sunlight and almost blinded me, my fake nails looked more tacky against orange peel skin and my first thought was 'SHIT'. I look in the mirror, and then realise I have made a bad bad mistake. Out comes the body scrub and lemon juice - my face is ORANGE. Oompa loompa. I am not best pleased.
So, lesson of the day. No, you do NOT need 2 layers of tan. Do not take inspiration from Essex boys with their top off. I think I was bowled over by his fit-ness and forgot myself for a minute.
Oops.
I know you will, but for the sake of my sanity, pretend this isn't funny please.
Last night, I sat down to watch one of my favourite TV shows - The Only Way Is Essex. I hate it, but love it. I will never understand why fake boobs, tans, nails, eyelashes, heels during the day, skin tight dresses and more war paint than you can shake a grotty old stick at are considered normal or even attractive! But yet, I am still obsessed with the show.
Last night, Mark Wright got his top of (there is in fact, a God up there, looking down on me and smiling after completing my life with that little snippet) and I'm not being over observational, but by jove, was he orange. In Essex, it seems, male fake tan is allowed. Male fake tan is HOT - in this case.
I looked down at my own arm, pasty and white, and wondered - would life be better tangoed?
All I can say is, never take inspiration from that show. I, in my hasty state of pale whiteness, decided that it would be a smooth ass move to fake tan, twice. In one night.
This my friends, was one very very bad idea. I awoke this morning to the fumes of fake tan, my skin glittered in the sunlight and almost blinded me, my fake nails looked more tacky against orange peel skin and my first thought was 'SHIT'. I look in the mirror, and then realise I have made a bad bad mistake. Out comes the body scrub and lemon juice - my face is ORANGE. Oompa loompa. I am not best pleased.
So, lesson of the day. No, you do NOT need 2 layers of tan. Do not take inspiration from Essex boys with their top off. I think I was bowled over by his fit-ness and forgot myself for a minute.
Oops.
Monday, 28 March 2011
Insult Slipper
"It's okay, there's no shame in eating a whole dessert to yourself. Enjoy."
- Me, tonight. At work. To a very, very fat man.
I'm sorry.
Why, why why why whyyyyy why why did I feel the need to make this poor poor man feel bad about himself? Yes, he was abnormally large, and yes, about to indulge in 2500 worth of calories, after eating two courses of junk food. Yes, his thighs probably did NOT fit on that chair, which was groaning under the weight of him. Yes, he needs help. THIS CAKE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU, may have been less subtle. Oops. I genuinely feel bad but for some reason it kind of just slipped out.
For the rest of the night I just kept out-doing myself with insults aimed at customers - to their faces. Not subtle ones either... EG
"would you like two spoons? oh, it's just for you." and "is that pizza to share? No? Are you sure, it's pretty big? Oh, okay, you've been here before..."
Brilliant. So not only do I add weight to the obese, I then abuse them about it.
I don't understand, I am never usually rude (okay, I can be when I set my mind to it but this doesn't count, this was an accident) so why,!? Why did my brain think that those sentences would be okay uttered aloud? So that real people could actually hear me!?
I feel so guilty, and I am hoping this little confession can ease my mind so that at some point tonight I may get some shut eye.
- Me, tonight. At work. To a very, very fat man.
I'm sorry.
Why, why why why whyyyyy why why did I feel the need to make this poor poor man feel bad about himself? Yes, he was abnormally large, and yes, about to indulge in 2500 worth of calories, after eating two courses of junk food. Yes, his thighs probably did NOT fit on that chair, which was groaning under the weight of him. Yes, he needs help. THIS CAKE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU, may have been less subtle. Oops. I genuinely feel bad but for some reason it kind of just slipped out.
For the rest of the night I just kept out-doing myself with insults aimed at customers - to their faces. Not subtle ones either... EG
"would you like two spoons? oh, it's just for you." and "is that pizza to share? No? Are you sure, it's pretty big? Oh, okay, you've been here before..."
Brilliant. So not only do I add weight to the obese, I then abuse them about it.
I don't understand, I am never usually rude (okay, I can be when I set my mind to it but this doesn't count, this was an accident) so why,!? Why did my brain think that those sentences would be okay uttered aloud? So that real people could actually hear me!?
I feel so guilty, and I am hoping this little confession can ease my mind so that at some point tonight I may get some shut eye.
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Mojo
Alright, so recently I've become a bit of a slacker.
A bit of a lazy typical student, waking up at 4 in the afternoon and wondering where the hell I am!? I've spent days doing absolutely nothing productive, yet going to bed with a sense of unexplainable achievement. I've cooked myself chicken and chips, thinking it would work out, and managing to burn the crap out of everything! I've thrown away two saucepans in the past two days with my useless culinary efforts. I am not made for domestication. I've sat down and ripped trousers, broken my phone, dropped my mascara down the toilet, smashed my bronzer, stubbed my toes on the corner of the wall, left the salad in the fridge to grow new salad. Do feel free to laugh at my mis-fortune, luckily I am seeing the funny side!
I can't understand what's come over me recently, but it's fair to say I do NOT enjoy it. I wanna be Mrs. Motivator, I want that on my mailbox when I am old and grey!!
So, in this state of hopeless despair, I am clearly getting nowhere. Clearly, something needs to be changed. I either need a huge wack up the ass with a wellington boot... or something to happen to click things back into place!
Well, today has been my urika moment!
Not only did I wake up after a messy night with no signs of a hangover (bloody miracle after the game we played - 100 shots of punch in 100 minutes anyone!? yeah, no.) but I also woke up to a room filled with sunshine (in my drunken state I forgot to close the curtains apparently, wow) and it made me think - hello, good morning! Let's do something!
Finally little miss lazy boots has got her mojo back!!
I wanna do well, I wanna get things done instead of being a total bum, I wanna be productive!!
So, although recently I have been partying hard, now I've realised it's time to work hard too. Work hard, party hard! yeahhh babyyyy!!!!!
A bit of a lazy typical student, waking up at 4 in the afternoon and wondering where the hell I am!? I've spent days doing absolutely nothing productive, yet going to bed with a sense of unexplainable achievement. I've cooked myself chicken and chips, thinking it would work out, and managing to burn the crap out of everything! I've thrown away two saucepans in the past two days with my useless culinary efforts. I am not made for domestication. I've sat down and ripped trousers, broken my phone, dropped my mascara down the toilet, smashed my bronzer, stubbed my toes on the corner of the wall, left the salad in the fridge to grow new salad. Do feel free to laugh at my mis-fortune, luckily I am seeing the funny side!
I can't understand what's come over me recently, but it's fair to say I do NOT enjoy it. I wanna be Mrs. Motivator, I want that on my mailbox when I am old and grey!!
So, in this state of hopeless despair, I am clearly getting nowhere. Clearly, something needs to be changed. I either need a huge wack up the ass with a wellington boot... or something to happen to click things back into place!
Well, today has been my urika moment!
Not only did I wake up after a messy night with no signs of a hangover (bloody miracle after the game we played - 100 shots of punch in 100 minutes anyone!? yeah, no.) but I also woke up to a room filled with sunshine (in my drunken state I forgot to close the curtains apparently, wow) and it made me think - hello, good morning! Let's do something!
Finally little miss lazy boots has got her mojo back!!
I wanna do well, I wanna get things done instead of being a total bum, I wanna be productive!!
So, although recently I have been partying hard, now I've realised it's time to work hard too. Work hard, party hard! yeahhh babyyyy!!!!!
Saturday, 26 March 2011
Delirious Sunshine Fever
Okay, so I know most of the time I seem pretty delirious anyway - and maybe a bit mental, but I swear, as soon as those sunshine rays hit my skin it brings something new in me!
I wanna sit on the beach, wanna read magazines endlessly, wanna listen to more music than usual (and that's a lot... I'm mildly obsessed with the tunes!), eat ice pops until my tongue turns orange, wear flip flops - I don't care if it's only March, party until the early hours, dance and drink with my friends (okay that's nothing new)! I think I have a severe case of sunshine delirium.
Turning into a crazy person as soon as the sun comes out doesn't seem to restrict itself to just me though - I live near the beach which has it's benefits, and one trip down there on a day of hazy rays proves my point.
Blokes with their tops off - I'm not complaining, if your fit, please do continue, but really? 18 degrees ain't exactly hot is it - so in future, save your pasty post winter skin for the sun-bed, and only get half naked when your confident in your tanning abilities thank you!
People eating fish and chips I understand, but a que half way down the beach for the ice cream stand - just because the sun is out - bit mental? Okay, that one probably isn't, I do understand the love of ice cream, I am a female after all.
Girls in shorts, strappy tops and flip flops. Right ladies, I know that we are all completely desperate to wack out the summer wardrobe - it has more colours, is far more exciting and definitely more flattering, but let's be sensible for once shall we? It is NOT hot enough to get ya legs out love, nor is it acceptable to break the boobs OR legs rule, during the day! No wonder you've got sand in your pants. I have no sympathy.
Basically, the entire country goes down with severe sunshine delirium and just gets naked on the beach, down the shops etc etc! That's my conclusion, everyone just wants to get naked!!
I am putting an end to it here and now, enough is enough, my eyes are burning and boggling at the sheer amount of flesh on show for this time of year. This must be the only explanation for such madness. Blame the sunshine.
I wanna sit on the beach, wanna read magazines endlessly, wanna listen to more music than usual (and that's a lot... I'm mildly obsessed with the tunes!), eat ice pops until my tongue turns orange, wear flip flops - I don't care if it's only March, party until the early hours, dance and drink with my friends (okay that's nothing new)! I think I have a severe case of sunshine delirium.
Turning into a crazy person as soon as the sun comes out doesn't seem to restrict itself to just me though - I live near the beach which has it's benefits, and one trip down there on a day of hazy rays proves my point.
Blokes with their tops off - I'm not complaining, if your fit, please do continue, but really? 18 degrees ain't exactly hot is it - so in future, save your pasty post winter skin for the sun-bed, and only get half naked when your confident in your tanning abilities thank you!
People eating fish and chips I understand, but a que half way down the beach for the ice cream stand - just because the sun is out - bit mental? Okay, that one probably isn't, I do understand the love of ice cream, I am a female after all.
Girls in shorts, strappy tops and flip flops. Right ladies, I know that we are all completely desperate to wack out the summer wardrobe - it has more colours, is far more exciting and definitely more flattering, but let's be sensible for once shall we? It is NOT hot enough to get ya legs out love, nor is it acceptable to break the boobs OR legs rule, during the day! No wonder you've got sand in your pants. I have no sympathy.
Basically, the entire country goes down with severe sunshine delirium and just gets naked on the beach, down the shops etc etc! That's my conclusion, everyone just wants to get naked!!
I am putting an end to it here and now, enough is enough, my eyes are burning and boggling at the sheer amount of flesh on show for this time of year. This must be the only explanation for such madness. Blame the sunshine.
Friday, 18 March 2011
The Cure
There is nothing like catching up with an old friend to make yourself feel better!
Recently, I've been finding things a bit of a struggle - uni has been killing me, I've been homesick, missing people and missing the stupid things we used to do.
So, this weekend I've decided to come home (oh, it's also my birthday on Tuesday so that's another good reason) in the hope that a bit of time away can cure me. I wanna see my family, catch up with everyone who used to be a part of my daily routine, listen to music in my car, do stupid stupid things with my sister that no-one else would understand (drawing on our faces in eyeliner ring any bells haha!) and just chill out away from the stress of my course!
This morning, myself and one of my best friends form home decided to pig out on a good old McDonalds breakfast - yum!! So after stuffing ourselves with egg and bacon mcmuff's ;) and hash browns, we glanced across the table at each other...
"You still hungry?"
"Yep."
"What's wrong with us!?"
Cue us cracking up laughing and going back for another greasy but oh-so-good round of fat filled breakkie!
That's something I've missed - being around people who know you better than you do, like the back of their hand!
Tonight, I'm going on a night out with my three closest friends, and I can safely say nothing has had me this excitable in the last three months! It's not the night out that I'm looking forward to though, it's seeing them and knowing I can completely relax! I can feel this weekend is going to be a good one, and I know it WILL cure my uni blues!
Bring on the cocktails ...
Recently, I've been finding things a bit of a struggle - uni has been killing me, I've been homesick, missing people and missing the stupid things we used to do.
So, this weekend I've decided to come home (oh, it's also my birthday on Tuesday so that's another good reason) in the hope that a bit of time away can cure me. I wanna see my family, catch up with everyone who used to be a part of my daily routine, listen to music in my car, do stupid stupid things with my sister that no-one else would understand (drawing on our faces in eyeliner ring any bells haha!) and just chill out away from the stress of my course!
This morning, myself and one of my best friends form home decided to pig out on a good old McDonalds breakfast - yum!! So after stuffing ourselves with egg and bacon mcmuff's ;) and hash browns, we glanced across the table at each other...
"You still hungry?"
"Yep."
"What's wrong with us!?"
Cue us cracking up laughing and going back for another greasy but oh-so-good round of fat filled breakkie!
That's something I've missed - being around people who know you better than you do, like the back of their hand!
Tonight, I'm going on a night out with my three closest friends, and I can safely say nothing has had me this excitable in the last three months! It's not the night out that I'm looking forward to though, it's seeing them and knowing I can completely relax! I can feel this weekend is going to be a good one, and I know it WILL cure my uni blues!
Bring on the cocktails ...
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